Uplift – one for the ladies
A measure of the effectiveness of an advertising campaign with terms like 'purchase intent', 'message association' and 'brand metrics' thrown in for good measure.

URL – dyslexic nobility
The address of a file being accessed on the Internet. A website has just such a Uniform Resource Locator, such as http://www.weyriver.co.uk

Variable Information – Chinese whispers
Data relating specifically to an individual person in a database.

Veronica – Rat girl
Web software that helps you search out information on gopher servers via keywords. An acronym for Very Easy Rodent Orientated Net-wide Index of Computerised Archives. Phew. In truth it was probably the name of the programmer's first crush. Oh, and if you don't know what a gopher is, you'll have to go back to G won't you!

WAIS – DNO mate
Net-wide system for looking up information on Internet databases. And wais WAIS? Wide Area Information Service. Glad you asked?

Watermark – a sign of over-wallowing in the bath
A design which appears as semi transparent used to brand paper, and is applied by impression during manufacture. Also a term used to mark pages and images appearing on web sites.

Web analytics – how Robert the Bruce won the war
Quite simply analysing the results of what is happening on your web site, particularly in recorded visits and the behaviour of visitors in navigating around your site.

Webmaster – a spider
An individual or team who run a web site. So what is wrong with the good old fashioned term of editor?

Weight steps – bathroom scales
The bands of tariffs charged for sending mail costed according to weight.

With the grain – whiskey drinker
In printing, folding in line with the grain of the paper.

WiFi – newly-wed speak
Short for Wireless Fidelity which is a radio frequency standard that is used to connect machines such as computers together using a connection by radio waves.

Word break – pausing for breath
The division of a word at the end of a line which should occur between syllables for ease of reading.

WYSIWYG – wizzy-wig-thingammy
An acronym standing for What You See Is What You Get, and is used to refer to computer software applications that enable users to see on-screen exactly how a document will appear when output to a printer or other application. Believe it or not early word processing and desk top publishing applications did their utmost to make sure that what eventually made it to the printer bore absolutely no resemblance to what was on screen. Hence your wizzy-wig.